My Story

How I Married a Narcissist

It all started when I was 18 baby years old. I was working in the same doctor’s office as my mom and older sister. I had become friends with the girl I was working in close contact with, Carrie.* She was living with a guy named Albert. Albert had an older single brother who looked pretty good in his pictures. Carried wanted to set us up. I agreed. I hadn’t had any serious relationships thus far and wanted a boyfriend desperately.

The older brother we’ll call Jackie. I would call him Dragon, but that’s an offense to a lovely fantasy animal.

Jackie answered the door the first time I met him leading with dark brown eyes. He had leaned over to answer the door thinking it was just Carrie, but straightened up when he saw me. He invited me in. I was really just there to drop off Carrie, so I didn’t stay long. He showed us around his new-to-him apartment and some photos from his recent Army training. And then I left.

The next day Carried informed me that he had demanded to know if I had a boyfriend after I left. She had assured him I didn’t. We got all set up for a double date with Carrie and Albert.

That Friday, we went out to eat and then back to Carrie and Albert’s apartment. I can’t remember now what movie we watched, but we shyly touched hands and shared a chaste good-night kiss before I drove home.

The next morning, we were in the midst of a snowstorm. I got a wake-up call around 10 a.m. from Jackie telling me he couldn’t see me that day as he had been called up by the National Guard to patrol the streets during the storm. He called me again that night. I told him I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Mostly I said this because I wasn't sure about him. And he wasn't a big talker.

We went sledding on a giant hill that Sunday with Jackie’s younger brother Huxley, as well as Albert and Carrie. Jackie had an unusual laugh that I found kind of endearing. He was good with his younger brother. He told me all about his problems with drugs and how he was clean and sober and had been for two years. I trusted what he said and was impressed he had turned his life around, having gone into the military.

We dated for nine months. He was romantic and liked to surprise me. He worked in construction while being in the National Guard part-time. He had already signed up for training with the 82nd Airborne when he met me, so we knew that time was ticking. I slept with him and like a good little Catholic girl, I figured now I had to marry him. I thought I was ready. For marriage, for him, for everything. I was now 19 years old.

As his time to leave for further military training neared, I started to worry about us breaking up and then what would I do as a non-virgin? Just sleep with the next guy?! I couldn’t possibly do that. I was determined to hold on to the relationship. I told him either we break up when he leaves or he gives me a solid commitment in the form of a ring. I was fine either way. He ultimately chose to get me a ring and proposed. I accepted.

My parents were not happy and a lot of tension accompanied this announcement. My older sister had literally just gotten married and my mother argued they couldn’t afford another wedding. But I pushed hard and they finally gave in and helped me plan my wedding. All during the planning, I was working two jobs and going to school while Jackie was in another state getting his training. We were separated for about a year which felt agonizing. I turned 20 in the meantime, he was 24. We got married on August 16, 1997. Before the 2000’s! It seems like forever ago now.

*Names have been changed to protect…well, everybody. The ex-in-laws, the stupid, the angry, everyone.